I am proud to be an imperfectionist (see also: recovering perfectionist). Perfectionism sounds almost like a slick compliment instead of problem, but it is truly a killer of creativity, confidence, and contentment in life.
ADHD brains already struggle to maintain "normal" dopamine levels. As the dopamine rush leaves, so does our motivation and productivity to our goals. Having a perfectionist mindset almost always shorts your brain's ability to maintain motivation, because you are cutting out opportunities to celebrate small wins. Without small wins to make the process enjoyable, the likelihood of success and satisfaction goes way down.
People might not think of ADHD being associated with perfectionism, but those of us that experience ADHD know that our standards can actually be very "all of nothing". For example, if I am cleaning a room, the average person might not see the level of detail I get into, but upon closer inspection, you'll see that my clothes were arranged by color and size, my books were arranged by author's last name, etc. The problem is, this level of cleaning cannot be achieved quickly, so instead, it rarely happens.
Now consider instead, I decided to set my goal as "organize the bookshelf" instead of "organize the room". It might seem insignificant to a perfectionist, and it can be hard to feel pride when the rest of the room is a mess and ONLY the bookshelf has been cleaned and organized. However, by limiting my expectations and narrowing down on my standards to feel like I had "a win", I provide my brain with the dopamine and satisfaction it needs to make my progress sustainable. Now tomorrow, I can decide to clean and organize the closet, but this time, I get to be propelled by the boost that yesterday's feelings of success provided.
In the workplace, I've struggled with submitting assignments on time, but the problem was never lack of effort. I get held up in the details, and I struggle to ever feel like my work is good enough to be reviewed by someone else. The problem is, you know what looks worse than a work assignment that is not perfect? One that has not been submitted or has been submitted so late that people do not have the necessary time to review or revise it.
How do we start shifting our mindset out of perfectionism? Here are 4 tips to get you started:
Set realistic expectations and establish your end point up front. When we start out with expectations that were not attainable, we set ourselves up failure and disappointment. Not only will that feel shitty in the moment, but it will also be more difficult for you to convince yourself to try again later on. Continuously disappointing yourself will lead you to not be able to trust yourself. Suddenly, when you say you are going to accomplish something, your intentions may not hold much value anymore. Your brain starts saying "Yeah well I've heard that before..."When you set reasonable and attainable expectations with a clear end point, you can slowly build that trust back until you feel capable of conquering the world. Establishing a clear end point also makes it clear to your brain when it is time to celebrate. For example, "clean your room" is a bit vague to establish when the task has been completed. However, "make sure there is nothing on the floor" establishes a clear end point where you get to feel satisfied and enjoy the dopamine boost.
Reflect, re-evaluate, and communicate. Time blindness is a common symptom of ADHD, so our initial estimations for task completion may not always pan out. Our brains struggle to understand how much time a task will take as well as how much time has elapsed while we were working on something. Treat your initial intentions and goals as a starting point, and as the day goes on, go back in and adjust as you see where your predictions might have fallen short. As a general rule, I also like to add 15 minutes to any time estimation, just to be safe. Moreover, if you communicated an incorrect timeline to a supervisor, coworker, or client, be sure to keep them up to date on your adjustments. They would be a lot more disappointed if you miss the deadline entirely with no warning.
Celebrate every bit of progress. In staying motivated, dopamine is EVERYTHING. In fact, research demonstrates that dopamine plays a critical role in regulated motivation. The best motivator, especially for people with ADHD, is remembering what it felt like to accomplish what you wanted. For example, in a health and fitness journey, people with ADHD are less likely to be motivated by the end result that we want to achieve. Instead, motivation becomes more sustainable with ADHD when we remember how great we felt when we we completed a workout. So first, set small goals, and make sure to feel and celebrate each accomplishment because that feeling will carry you through your subsequent goals and intentions.
Be mindful of catastrophic thinking. As previously stated, ADHD brains can be very "all or nothing" which makes it difficult to sustain long-term goals. Our brains see time as "now" or "not now" but often nothing in between. Be mindful of when your brain is going off the deep end too quickly. All or nothing thinking has a significant role in perfectionism and the damage it can cause to our mindset. Instead, work on intentionally shifting into a mindset of "a little bit of progress is a lot better than none".
When you are too hard on yourself, you are really adding layers upon layers of barriers to get through to actually achieve what you want. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend or the way you would want to talk to your child (whether the child currently exists or not). It can be easier to give everyone else grace, but we deserve the chance to give ourselves grace, first. If you are kind to yourself, you teach others how they should be treating you by setting the example.
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